I wish one day you could wake up smiling again
Showing me that real smile like your living a dream
This non-communication has become an addiction
And you can’t seem to change no matter how hard you try
I’m sorry to say but I’m tired of giving you more time
At first everything is fine but then I feel left alone when I ask for your opinion or I tell you what is on my mind. I write you things because I mean it. What we hold is meaningful, you are my life, I un-write my stories and fill in our future, I tell you my dreams, hopes, fears, goals and what makes me happy. But the peace seems to vanish my mind when we constantly fight. I just don’t understand why you can’t comprehend. You skim across the surface when you speak to me. Your admirable and sensual words are glued to my mind like I know what you’re going to say or do next. Your sweet words build a daily routine like a scratched record playing back in my head over and over.

I know that you love me but how deep is it.
I know that you miss me but how far will you go to see me
I know that you would take a bullet for me, but you don’t act like it.
I KNOW YOU WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR ME BUT SOMETIMES I FEEL NOTHING…WHY IS THAT?
MAYBE because you have a one track sided mind and your future with me is based off your past and you can’t move forward.

I have too many corners in my mind and I wish you could be here for me to sort them out. There are too many midnights today and I can’t get out of bed. We are unsteady because I know you are still in repair but please take my heart’s advice and follow me to this better place. Steal my heart and hold my tongue…let me in and unlock the door cuz I have never felt this way before. This tank is empty and I need you to refill it.

Hold my hand inside your hands,
I need someone who understands.
I need someone, someone who hears,
For you, I've waited all these years.

In your tears and in your blood,
In your fire and in your flood,
I hear you laugh, I heard you sing,
"I wouldn't change a single thing."

Babe when your dreaming with a broken heart waking up is the hardest part.
We share a beautiful relationship but after all these years you still can’t communicate your insecurities with me. I know I have mentioned this to you plenty of times, and obviously I am again for a reason. You choose not to talk because of your selfish needs. You choose to act the way you do instead of working on our intimacy issues. You choose not to pour your heart out because you don’t want to get hurt again. But truthfully babe you are hurting me slowly and I just can’t take it any more.
I feel that when I see you everything is okay and last night was amazing. I felt I was floating in the clouds with you because you made love to me and I felt your missing touch. However even though everything seemed so right, it went down in flames, because you woke up on the wrong side of bed. My doubts shoot me down every time and now my heart is aching because we just can’t seem to get it right. I feel that you choose not to put any effort into the outcome, You seem to not realize what it will do to us if you just leave, it is a sense of giving up, at least that is how I portray it. And if you want to leave that impression imprinted in my soul then go ahead, just don’t be sorry in the end. I feel that you want to stay the same with your guard up because your afraid of what I will say. I’m sick of living this way and if you want this to work then show me how far you will go to stay!

You are probably thinking that today had nothing to do with this but really when you look deeper it does and it hurts to think after 4 years my best friend does not understand me. He does not have the patience to speak to me nicely or show me what he wants, or tell me his aspirations. I don’t want to give up but I am getting a weird stimulation from all of this. I’m making my stomach hurt as I wipe the tears off my cheeks and well a new drop in my eye just for you. Why do we have to endure this when sanity is right around the corner. Tonight I will rely on the stars up above to send me the man I always dreamed of I want you back…. So tonight the north star will be my other half!