Happy Heart

All I want is a happy heart and a peaceful mind

“I guess I should of said something anything, I mean for a girl who wants to be a writer it seems that no words have ever been written. But when someone tells you that they somehow stopped missing you, you’re pretty much screwed no matter what you say.

See there had to be something right…something that nobody said in the history of the world… something that could change this: ‘I’m sorry!’
That wasn’t it.

Until you fix all the mistakes you made nothing will change, some say people can’t change, but they can. They just don’t because its easier not to, we are always waiting for are lives to begin like figuring we’ll be someone else someday. But after all that I have been through I think what is stopping me and pulling me back?
This is it, what are we all waiting for?
All we have is now!
Don’t run from this.


My name is Paris Tobin
I’m 18 years old and I am now a college student at CSULB, my life is changing quickly before my eyes, I’m restless and cannot sleep. The world seems to be moving without me, I’m lost in memories decaying in my mind. I’m falling away from my past but it is following me. My past shaped me, the present is changing me, that’s why it is a gift giving me the future which holds a destiny I must form. Without loss there is no love. Without love there is no life. I am happy, yet disheartened or should I say confused.
I am soul searching like any college student should be.
Waiting for the world to change.
I’m slow dancing in a burning room.
I have a mother who is in peace yet falling apart and wants so much for others.
I have a discombobulated family.
I have a boyfriend and a best friend.
I have loved ones and friends who will always be there by my side.
I have a secret.
I have my hopes, dreams, and fears.
I have seen beauty and despair.
I have been in love and been heart broken.
I have broken hearts and been bruised with guilt.
Someone loves me and I don’t deserve his care.
I am in love and I hurt the person who means the most.
I know what it feels like to be alone.
To feel miserable and lonely in a crowded room.
I want peace in my mind and happiness in my heart.
I had a father or
At least I used to….
A had a reason for existence…
At least I used to…. But I’m forming one now.
I must throw away my clouded dreams and disposable cameras of freedom and joy and start living reality to form happiness. Because happiness does not mean everything has to be perfect it means you have decided to look beyond the imperfections.
I have many imperfections, many faults I’ve buried under the sand.
I have seen the light after hitting rock bottom.
But I am back…here I am.
Ready to live, laugh, and love again. I need that someone who has always missed me before he knew me, I need that someone who I can share the rest of my life with. I need that someone to know I won’t hurt him any more because I’m done hurting.
The tears left me to you, and without meaningful conversations I’ll go no where.

My home is just a place somewhere in the world. Maybe it’s a lot like your world.
Maybe it’s nothing like it. But if you look closer, you might see someone like you.

Someone trying to find their way.
Someone trying to find their place.
Someone trying to find their self.

My home is somewhere I feel safe, where someone loves me for me, some one who is there to catch me when I fall, a place where my heart lays and my childhood dreams grew to life. My home is with you.
Sometimes it’s easy to feel that you are the only one in the world who’s struggling, who’s frustrated, unsatisfied, or barely getting by.

But that feeling is lie.
And if you just hold on
Just find the courage to face it all for another day
Someone or something will find you to make it all okay.
Because we all need a little help sometimes.
Someone to help us hear the music in the world.
To remind us that it won’t always be this way.
That someone is out there.
And that someone will find you!